Sunday, April 24, 2011
Breaking The Rules
Every man knows them. They're strictly adhered to and people get upset if you break them. Though my title alludes to a story I feel that the tale would be lacking without the proper background information and thus I present a guide to the rules of urinal usage.
There must be at least one urinal space between two urinating men at any given time.
That's right, in the many bathrooms that only have three urinals the center one is simply for display. As you wait for one of the outer urinals to free up it serves as a preview of the experience to come. There are exceptions to this rule however. A trough for example has a no space rule. For those of you unfamiliar with the trough, it is... a trough. Full of ice, and men gather around it to alleviate their bladder pressures with no concern for the distance of other men. This occurs most often at football games, nascar races and other heterocentric events. Confusing, I know.
Never speak to a stranger while using the urinal
Just don't do it. Nobody wants to talk to a stranger holding his dick while they hold their own dick.
Ok, now that's taken care of and so I'll tell my story. Basically I think that the first rule is stupid. I can't think of one legitimate reason why one should not use the middle urinal. It's childish, and it's even more frustrating when there is a line. Anyhow the story takes place in the mens' room of King's Dominion theme park. It was a hot day and I needed to pee, so naturally I go to the bathroom. There was a line inside of three people waiting to use the urinals. The thing was, even though there was a line, the middle urinal was left unused.
Naturally this aggravated me. I looked around at the faces of the men patiently waiting for a vacancy at an acceptable urinal and after a moment, with an incredulous expression on my face passed them to stand in front of middle urinal. The second I approached the man to my right had a physical reaction. I knew instantly that I had no choice but to mess with him.